About

“You are not a true adult until both of your parents have passed on. You are then an orphan.” –attributed to John Kennedy (Jr.) on the death of his mother, Jacqueline Onassis.

I got the call from my cousin on a Sunday afternoon last April. My mother had been found dead, sitting upright in her chair at her home.  The call had come while I was walking around the Vancouver Maritime Museum with my son. My father and I had liked to visit there 40 years earlier.  He had passed away in 1995, so I was now an orphan.

As I cleared out our family home with my sister, digging through the past in the aftermath, not only did I discover more about the “real people” behind my mom and dad, but, much to my surprise, quite a bit about the person behind me. This grieving process, although at times difficult, has actually made me feel stronger about my own identity.

Perhaps flying through life without “backup” really does bring forth one’s inner adult, and you discover who you really are. This is what Re Searching My Self is intended to be: part family history, part self-discovery. It is a sharing of the evolution of my own identity, as I mine through the relics of my parents lives.

23 Responses to About

  1. Robert Beardsell says:
    November 17, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    Ouch. A sobering comment in your intro: “flying through life without ‘backup’.” That really gives one pause…

    Liked by 1 person

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  2. agallagher510 says:
    June 6, 2013 at 6:56 am

    Can’t wait to read your stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

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  3. gpcox says:
    September 17, 2013 at 4:23 am

    I was made an orphan at age 40 and 23 years later – it’s still flying without back-up.

    Liked by 1 person

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  4. Luanne says:
    April 19, 2015 at 7:34 am

    When are you coming back?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  5. Barbara Turner says:
    December 14, 2015 at 5:49 pm

    Just wanted you to know how much we enjoyed your interview with Rebecca on radio west this afternoon. My husband picked raspberries for your grandfather in approx, 1956. Memories, memories, we are looking forward to reading your stories and looking at the pictures when time permits. Thank you for sharing on line and we thank ?Rebecca for licatimg you a pond doing the interview or we still would not know about your site! Kind regards, Barbara and Terry Turner

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    • Ian says:
      December 14, 2015 at 6:33 pm

      Thank you, Barbara! As my blog and photo archives become more popular, I’m getting to hear from more and more people who knew my parents and grandparents. Please feel free to leave comments on your experiences at the farm or whatever resonates with you.

      Liked by 1 person

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  6. David Enzel says:
    January 31, 2016 at 6:38 am

    I just discovered your blog and your touching introduction. You write very well and I look forward to reading more.

    Liked by 1 person

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  7. Su Leslie says:
    August 9, 2016 at 12:15 pm

    Thanks so much for following ZimmerBitch and introducing me to your blog. I’m writing this in the midst of my mother in law’s slow, distressing death, and finding myself thinking about our family’s journey in light of your words. Cheers, Su.

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    • Ian says:
      August 10, 2016 at 11:33 am

      Thanks for checking out and following ResearchingMyself! I like the vibe of ZimmerBitch very much. I do hope you can find something in my writing as you go through the situation with your mother-in-law. In some ways I do consider myself lucky that both of my parents died somewhat unexpectedly. Slow goodbyes aren’t easy. Cheers, Ian

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      • Su Leslie says:
        August 10, 2016 at 12:14 pm

        Thanks Ian. I found a lot on your blog I wanted to engage with; sharing immigrant parents and our attitudes to kids’ education for a start. Time is short at the moment, so I’ll likely pop in again when the dust settles. Cheers, Su.

        Liked by 2 people

  8. TanGental says:
    November 7, 2016 at 3:54 pm

    Hi Ian; like you an orphan and writing about my experiences of being with my mum, post dad until she died. Interested in your experiences. Thank you for the follow.

    Liked by 2 people

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    • Ian says:
      November 7, 2016 at 4:06 pm

      Thanks for the follow too, Geoff! I came across your site yesterday from Susanne @ Wuthering Bites, and I noticed some close similarities with my themes. Looking forward to reading more of your stuff (whenever I can find the darn time!).

      Liked by 2 people

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    • SoundEagle 🦅ೋღஜஇ says:
      February 16, 2020 at 8:24 pm

      Dear Ian and Geoff Le Pard,

      I too have become an ophand lately and shall experience Mother’s Day for the first time without my mother being around.

      I published a eulogy last year at https://soundeagle.wordpress.com/2019/08/31/khai-khim-for-always-and-beyond-goodbye/

      The eulogy (cum biography) has been improved and significantly extended. It is now several times longer, containing more stories and various documents, photos and videos pertaining to diverse matters and events, even including my mother’s wedding video dubbed with my musical compositions. Amateur videos in those days were very rare, even in developed countries.

      You are welcome to take a good look of the post and make any comment.

      Please be informed that my blog will benefit from being viewed on a large screen of a desktop or laptop computer, because many of the multimedia posts (including the said eulogy) published on my blog could be too powerful and feature-rich for iPad, iPhone, tablet or other portable devices to handle properly or adequately.

      Like

      Reply
  9. Anna says:
    July 21, 2018 at 2:49 pm

    HI, I really find your blog helpful and useful. I have a complicated situation that I really need help with. My father passed away and my stepmother will not let me have access to the Will, how do I go about getting access? Also there may not even be a Will, how do I check if there is one? I was looking into the Will Registry in BC but the Will will only be there if my father registered it. I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place. Any solutions you may have would be extremely welcomed.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Ian says:
      July 21, 2018 at 5:23 pm

      Hi Anna, I would consult a lawyer on this. You are a logical beneficiary of the will, so you are within your rights to see it. The executor of the will, if it exists, will need to file for probate if any assets over $10k are not already jointly held with your stepmother. At that point you can definitely see the will by asking at the BC Supreme Court. If your father did not leave a will and died intestate, their will be an administrative process similar to probate, which should also entitle you to seeing the will. Ultimately, if your stepmother is uncooperative, you should get some proper legal advice as to your best alternatives. Hope this helps!

      Liked by 1 person

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      • Anna says:
        July 21, 2018 at 5:43 pm

        Dear Ian, thank you so much for your quick response and amazing advice. I really appreciate everything you said, it has given me much to think about. I will definitely be looking for a lawyer, first thing. Once again thank you so much and I wish you all the best.

        Sincerely,

        Anna

        Liked by 2 people

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